Mary, Just Mary Chapter Ten

Mary must face her true feelings, but can she accept them?

I make him laugh?

I sat awkwardly against the car and ran Jake’s words through my head over and over.

There’s nobody like her.

She makes me laugh.

I started crying. I couldn’t hide everything I was feeling any longer. I couldn’t paint on a smile and pretend the sun was always shining. Things had changed. I had turned into a completely different person and I had no idea how to change back, or even if I wanted to. My life had been beautiful once. But beautiful was no longer enough. It would never again be enough.

But Jake…

Jake would be enough.

I had to tell him how I felt. I had to hold my heart out in my hand. I had to tell him that I too thought there was nobody like him.

I have to tell him.

To tell him…

                                                                                                                                          

“Mary! Mary, where are you?” I heard Babs calling. I had completely forgotten about her, and everyone else, and the fact that I was still outside sitting in the dirt parking lot. And I also forgot the ring. The ring on my finger. The ring that always reminded me that love was a gift I would never receive. I didn’t have the strength nor the will to stand up, so I sat behind the car I had hidden myself behind and continued to cry.

What do I do?

It’s wrong...this is all wrong…

But why? Why is it wrong?

Why is this happening to me?

“Mary!”

Babs’s voice burst through the still night air. I looked up and saw her face nearing mine, and she put her hands on my shoulders. I heard other footsteps rush over.

“Mary, what happened?” Babs asked.

“Mary! You—how much did you hear? Did you—” Jake stammered.

I couldn’t answer either of them. Tears kept falling like big raindrops, but Jake figured out that I heard enough.

“John!” Jake exclaimed in a furious voice.

“I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“Just get out of here!”
“Jake, please, listen—“

“Leave us alone!”

“Boys…I think Mary needs to go home now,” Babs said gently.

“We can take her—“ John started.

“No…no…” I whimpered.

“What, baby?” Babs asked.

“I don’t want to go home.”

“You can’t stay here all night.”

“I want to go with Jake.”

Everyone was silent. Babs stood up and looked at Jake and John, who both looked like they didn’t know what else to say. After the long silence, Jake knelt down and helped me to my feet. He walked me over to his truck and helped me get in.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

I leaned against the door of the truck, still feeling as though I was torn in two. Outside, I could hear muffled voices; Jake and John still talking to each other. Jake’s voice grew louder and louder, finally erupting into another furious yell, then falling silent. The driver’s door to the truck opened and Jake climbed in, slamming the door closed with such force it made the truck rock back and forth. Jake said nothing to me for a moment. The only sound from his mouth was an exhausted sigh.

“I’ll take you home,” he finally said.

“No! I don’t want to go home! I don’t want to go home!” I sobbed, clinging to Jake’s shirt and burying my face in his chest.

“Mary, you probably should—“

“I don’t want to go home!”

Jake became quiet again. I saw a look in his eyes that was very different from how they usually looked. His eyes, his once happy, sparkling eyes, looked tired and sad. I didn’t like how they looked.

Then, he smiled at me, but only half a smile.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to go home.”

I didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive. Jake didn’t either. My mind was just too full to speak.

Could I really break things off with Albert…and be with Jake?

Would it really be as crazy as it sounds?

I must be losing my mind!

When we got to Jake’s house, I still felt very sick and exhausted. Jake helped me through the door and into his house. He set me down on his sofa and told me he would get me a drink of water. And I…

I still couldn’t think of what to say.

“Here, Mary, try to drink this if you can,” Jake said when he returned. I honestly didn’t want any more water, or anything in my stomach at all, but I took the glass and gently sipped the water. He sat down on the couch next to me.

“Thank you,” I said.

“I—I’m so sorry about what you heard John say at the bar. He—he was so out of line—“

“It’s all right. I’m sorry I made you scream at him.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t mean to make you fight with such a close friend.”

“Really, it’s not your fault. And, well…it’s not the first time we’ve fought. We’ll manage to get over it. Just a bump in the road, that’s all.”

“It all seems so silly, what I’ve been thinking all this time,” I said with a giggle.

“What seems silly?”

“Well, when I first met John…and Becky, I thought that you…”

“Me…?”

“And—and her…”

Jake looked confused for a second, then understood what I meant.

“Me and…Becky?”

I nodded.

“Oh! Um…well…Becky is a lovely woman and all but…I—I could never do that to John. It would—it would just…kill him.”

“Besides…I…think I’m already taken…by someone else.”

My heart started to flutter.

“If…if she…if she wants me,” Jake murmured.

I took another nervous gulp of water and set the glass down on the coffee table.

What do I do?

Not knowing what to say, I said the first thing on my mind.

“John’s right, you know.”

“Right about what?”

“What he said at the bar—“ A single tear started rolling down my cheek.
“He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“But he’s right. There’s nothing special about me.”

“And I don’t think he meant that either. It’s not true anyway. You…you’re very special.”

“Right, I’m very beautiful, I know.” I said bitterly. I turned away from Jake and pulled my knees up against my body, looking out the window. Jake’s hand lightly stroked my back. His touch was irresistible, and I leaned in closer to him, closer until I was all caught up in his arms wishing he would never let me go.

“You are very beautiful. But that’s not the only thing. You care about people, people that nobody else even thinks about. Like the Rubys. And…”

“I’m silly.”

Jake smiled. “Very silly sometimes. But is that really a bad thing?”

“Yes it is!” I cried out. Jake’s smile disappeared. Bulging tears rolled down my cheeks and I struggled with my words and my sobs. “Everything is so different now! My parents keep telling me ‘It’s time to grow up, Mary, grow up,’ but I feel like I’m turning into somebody else, somebody I don’t want to be! I mean…I want to stop being such an immature child and be a good wife like my parents want…but…I don’t know how to be a good wife.”

Jake pulled a handkerchief and gave it to me. I dabbed my eyes and he gently took my hand.

“I think you would be a great wife.”

I looked at Jake, realizing that the whole time I was talking, he was listening to me. Really listening. He leaned forward in his chair, looking into my eyes, holding on to my every word, not halfheartedly glancing at me out of the corner of his eye and murmuring, “Ah, I see,” like Albert would. What I said mattered to Jake. He took me seriously. That both delighted me and scared me to death.

And he was looking at me.

With that look.

I quickly pulled my hand away from his soft grasp and looked away from his soft eyes. I let things go too far. Much too far.

“What do you see happening between us?” Jake asked softly.

Startled, I jumped to my feet and turned towards the door.

“I should probably go home now,” I said.

“Should you?” Jake asked. He wouldn’t look at me.

“This…this isn’t right. I’m engaged.”

“If you want to leave, then go. I won’t stop you.”

“Jake…”

“Please, if you really want to go back to your fiancé and your money and your nice house just go now, because every second you’re with me is like torture.”

“I’m sorry. I have to go. I have to.”

Jake stood up and walked up to me. I hung my head, too ashamed to face him. “You shouldn’t have to do anything,” he said. “Think for yourself. What is it that you want?”

“I…I don’t know…”

“You have to decide, Mary! Your fiancé and Mrs. Fickley can tell you what to do, but the only person who has to live your life is you!”

A thick sob nearly strangled me, and I quickly got up and rushed out the nearest door I could find. I wound up on Jake’s front porch and I tried to convince myself to leave, to forget about everything that I said and that Jake said and the truth that was creeping up on me, threatening to destroy my long-nurtured dreams of perfection. Wiping my eyes, I looked up at the stars, remembering my beautiful childhood wishes, and realizing what a fantastic lie they all were. I heard the door creak softly, and the tender sound of Jake’s shoes rose above the calm night sky.

“Mary? I’m…I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“It’s all right. I’m fine.”

“I…I didn’t mean…well…I just…”

I turned to him, and he was looking down, rubbing the back of his head and shuffling his feet. I reached for his hand. We drew closer. My heart fluttered as he gently brushed my hair from my cheek. Closer still. Sinfully close. Heavenly close.

“Mary…” he whispered.

“Yes, Jake?”

"There's something I want to say to you. Something I've wanted to say since the day I saw you."

"Oh, Jake..."

“I love you, Mary Ellen.”

Then, something happened…

 

Something that was far beyond a first kiss.

The rest of the world just disappeared. There was no ring on my finger, no fiancé I was being unfaithful to, no screeching future mother-in-law, and no confusing and unreasonable rules of what a married woman needed to be. There was only Jake, the warmth of his embrace, the sound of his breath, his fingers gathering strands of my hair, and his lips that were sweeter than anything I could even imagine.

I suddenly had a new dream, and he was holding me in his arms.

Mary, Just Mary Chapter Nine

Mary falls...and keeps falling.

Need I say more?

“Oh, are you okay?” Jake asked, kneeling down next to me. Babs also got up and ran to my side.

“Ow…” I moaned. “Oh...oh—Jake…”
“I’ll get her some water,” Babs said.
“Here, why don’t you step outside for a second?” Jake said. He lifted me in his arms…

 Floating…

Though my body stopped spinning, my head was still twirling like mad. Jake carried me to the door, and set me down for a moment to open the door. I gently walked through it, and Jake picked me up again. The blaring music and smoky smell of the bar changed to the sound of crickets and warm, muggy, nighttime air. I clung to Jake tighter, the smell of his aftershave seemed to help clear my head.

“Anything hurt?” Jake asked.

“My wrist…a little,” I said. “Where are we?”

“Outside.”

“Am I drunk?”

“Maybe a little.” 
“Oh, I’m in so much trouble! My parents are gonna flip!”

 

“You’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” Jake said. He set me down on a wooden bench and gently took my hands. I blushed as he gently squeezed at my wrists. “Nothing feels broken. You’ll probably just have some bruises. I’m sorry, I should have told you not to twirl so fast.”

“It’s not your fault, I should have known better,” I moaned while rubbed my temples. “I wasn’t behaving like a lady should. Oh, that was so embarrassing! I can’t believe I tripped and fell like that in front of everyone!”
“Hey, it’s all right. You were just having fun. Most people will know that. The rest will just be too drunk to remember anyway. It’s definitely not the worst alcohol-induced fall anyone’s ever done. You should have seen me at John and Becky’s wedding reception…I fell against a table and knocked over the bowl of fruit punch, ended up with a white tuxedo with big red…splotches. Heh…I blame Simon for that…”

“Splotches.” I giggled. “On the bright side, I think red looks good on you!” I said, tugging at his red shirt.

“Oh, Mary…” Jake chuckled. His laugh made my heart flutter. I felt dizzy again and fell against him. “Ooh, easy there,” he said.

 

“Jake!” I heard a voice call. It was Babs.

“Over here,” Jake called, waving. Babs hurried over with a cup of water and a damp washcloth. She knelt down in front of me and helped me sit up.

“How is she?” she asked, dabbing at my face.

“Pretty out of it. Damn it, why did you give her so much?”

“Hey, it’s a rite of passage! Like learning to drive or having your first kiss! And besides, you were the one encouraging her to have fun, remember?” Babs handed me the cup. “Drink some of this, baby.”

“Okay,” I murmured. All of the energy I had only a few minutes beforehand was gone, and instead I had acquired a burning, unsettled stomach.

 

“Let me see if I can get Donnie to whip up something that will sober you up,” Babs said. She headed back into the bar.

“Do you feel sick?” Jake asked gently.

“A little,” I said.

“Stay here, Mary, I might have something in my truck,” Jake said. I nodded, and he leaned me against the bench and walked out into the parking lot. I watched him walk away, wondering if it was the drink or the moonlight or a little bit of both that made him look so amazing.

Or perhaps, it was simply that he was amazing.

 

The heavy door opened and closed again. For a second I thought it was Babs, but the footsteps that approached were almost silent.
“I can’t keep quiet anymore.”

I looked up. Becky stood above me with her arms crossed. The light from the moon lit up her face just enough to show the coldness in her eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” her voice was almost a whisper.

“What?” I asked.

Becky looked over towards where Jake had gone. Her eyes softened into something…very sad. “Jake is a good person. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“Deserve what?”

“You.”

I jumped to my feet in anger, and put my face just inches away from hers. “Just who do you think you—”

“You’re going to hurt him,” she murmured. 

Her words were like pins that seemed to pierce my chest. I stared at her, unable to talk or even breathe. “You’re going to break his heart,” she continued. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes again and I sank back into the old bench.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” I whimpered. “I really don’t.”
“Every time you come back to him…it gives him hope. You have a fiancé and a life that is that is a world away. Are you really going to promise Jake something he can never have?”

“You—you don’t understand!” I blurted out, jumping to my feet again. “I don’t leave home just to tease Jake! I—I leave because I…oh! You don’t know what it’s like! I’ve seen the way your husband looks at you. It’s…almost magical! You don’t know how it feels to be someone’s wind up doll! To have to look and act the way everyone else wants you to! To—to try to say something and not be listened to! To…”

“To be with someone…who doesn’t even…love you…the way he should.”

Becky looked away from me, looking as though she was about to start crying herself. Then I remembered what Jake said…

Becky’s first husband abused and tried to kill her.

I clasped my hands over my mouth.

 

“Oh, forgive me. That was…very insensitive…I…” Becky turned and started walking away.

"Wait!"
Becky stopped and looked back at me. I hung my head and squeezed my hands together. “The truth is…I want…that. I wish I had what you have. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of.” My voice fell silent, and Becky stayed quiet as well. The only noise was of the night sky, crickets, an owl hooting in the distance, the low, droning hum of music coming from inside the bar...

Then she spoke.
“Wishing and dreaming won’t give you what you want,” she said before walking away.

 

I stared at Becky as she walked back into the bar. I didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. I was going to hurt Jake. I was going to break his heart. As much as I didn’t want to, it was the truth. As much as I wanted to belong here, I didn’t. My family had their own expectations for me. They expected me to marry Albert and carry on a legacy that was no longer one I wanted to follow. They expected me to live a life that I didn’t want anymore. I didn’t want money. I didn’t want a nice house. I didn’t want to be showered with presents. I didn't want to be anyone's princess, kitten, or little skylark.

I wanted Jake.

Realizing I was still alone, I wondered where he had gone. I suddenly missed him terribly, as if I hadn’t seen him in years. I walked around the parking lot, still in a daze, but drifting in the cool night air I heard men’s voices. As I approached I heard the deep, soothing drawl of Jake’s voice. Crouching behind a car, I listened to him and John as they spoke. Jake leaned against an old fence and stared into the dark woods behind the bar while John lingered behind him.

“I told you already—“
“I know what you told me.”
“Becky put you up to this?”

“I respect her concerns, and I trust her judgment.”

“And what exactly is she concerned about?”

 

“You’re setting yourself up for some serious hurtin’. She’s getting married. To a tycoon with more money than either of us will ever see in our entire lives,” John said.
I knew right away John was talking about me.

Jake stared at his feet, saying nothing.

“I know she’s a nice girl,” John continued, “But there are a million others just like her that aren’t already—“

“No, there aren’t. There’s nobody like her.”

“What makes her so special, Jake?”

 

I was angry with John for a moment, but only until I realized there just wasn’t anything very special about me. I couldn’t paint like Becky, or speak my mind like Babs. And I certainly wasn’t as smart and courageous as Margie. The only thing I was really good at doing was what other people wanted me to do. Jake fell silent again, and I felt like crying. He couldn’t even think of something that was special about me. I didn’t want to hear him say I was beautiful. My father always says I’m beautiful. Albert always says I’m beautiful. They were the first ones to see that I had nothing inside me at all. I got up and started to walk away, tears stinging my eyes, until I heard Jake’s clear, certain answer.

 

 “She makes me laugh.”

Mary, Just Mary Chapter Eight

When we last left Mary she had just started knocking back a few. What will happen when Jake returns?

Babs and I sat down with another pair of drinks, and Babs pulled out her purse and dug around in it. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes but couldn’t seem to find a lighter.

“Donnie, where’s my light?” she asked the boy behind the bar. He pawed at his pockets, and shrugged.

“Musta left it in my other pants,” he said.

“You are so absent-minded. You’d lose your head if it wasn’t screwed on tight,” she groaned. Donnie scowled. Babs leaned in close to me. “I gotta get a light out of the car. Be back in a jiffy,” she said to me, standing up. “Watch her,” she said to Donnie.

A few more people entered the bar and approached Donnie to order their drinks. I kept my eyes on the door wondering when Jake was going to come through it.

It must have been an hour by now, what’s taking so long?

Maybe he’s not coming…

Maybe he doesn’t like me…

“Well, howdy there, miss. You’re a new face,” a man’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Jim Reeves,” he said, holding out his hand. “This greasy spoon is my place.”

“Oh, hi. I’m Mary. Mary Ellen Baker.” I shook his hand.

“Mary.” Jim smacked his lips as if he were tasting my name. “I like it.”

“You own this bar?”
“That I do.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Ask me anything, Sugar.”

“Why did you call it ‘Hudson Street Bar?’ The street we’re on is Forestville Road.”

“Ah, you see, couple years ago the good ol’ Motor City released the greatest vehicle to ever exist. The Hudson Hornet. What a car. Only seemed right to name the hippest and most happening bar in Sharon after it. You like nice cars, Mary?”

“Um…I can’t drive,” I said.

“Can’t drive? Well, maybe I can teach you sometime,” Jim crooned, putting his arm around my shoulder. I tried to lean away from his touch.

“So, Mary, would it be too forward of me to ask you for a dance?” Jim asked.

“Um…I’m actually waiting for someone.”

“Come on, just one dance.”

“No…no thank you.”

“A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t have to wait around for anyone.”

“Hey, Jim, isn’t that your girlfriend over there?” I heard Donnie say. Jim Reeves looked up and I saw a very angry looking brunette glaring at the two of us. Jim quickly stood up and rushed over to the woman.

“Della? Baby, come on, you know me!” he called out to the woman, who yelled something back to him I don’t care to repeat.

“What a smoothie,” Donnie said, rolling his eyes.

“I wonder when Jake’s getting back,” I said.

“Hm, I’d guess he’ll be back in…15 seconds.”

I gave Donnie a confused look, and he pointed in the direction of the door. Shrieking with joy, I saw Jake had just returned.

“Jaaaaaaake!” I cheered, running to him and practically throwing myself in his arms. He grunted when we collided, and looked at me with a smile.

“Looks like you’ve been having fun,” he said.

“Oh, lots of fun! Babs and I were dancing and talking and—and oh, this drink…um…daiquiri! The daiquiri is really good! I’ll get you one too!” I pulled myself out of his arms and clamped on to his hand, trying to pull him along.

“I can’t drink right now, I’m still on duty.” He was chuckling, and it made me giggle even more.

“Oh, that’s right. But you’re all mine now, right?”

“Right.”

I looked down at my hand, which was still holding Jake’s. The only thing that distracted me from the way I was holding his hand was the next song that started playing on the jukebox.

Hold me close, hold me tight

Make me thrill with delight…

“Oh, Jake!  Elvis!  I love Elvis!  I love this song!” I exclaimed.

“Imagine that,” Jake said, his eyes twinkling. “Care to dance?”

I shook my head excitedly. He pulled me only a little closer, but I blushed so much I suspected my entire body was a shade of pink. I struggled not only with keeping myself upright, because just looking at him was almost enough to make me swoon, but also with the overwhelming desire to join my lips together with his. Jake didn’t seem to be in the same pickle I was in, because he kept his composure, and remained a perfect gentleman while I stumbled around with a big, dopey grin on my face. But…somehow…he was so so very different from Albert.

Every time that you’re near

All my cares disappear

Darling you’re all that I’m living for

I want you I need you I love you

More and more

I thought I could live without romance

Until you came to me

But now I know that I will go on

Loving you eternally

 

Won’t you please be my own

Never leave me alone

‘Cause I die every time we’re apart

I want you I need you I love you

With all my heart

“I’m glad I got to dance with you tonight,” I said shyly.

“I’m glad too,” Jake replied.

“I mean…I saw John and Becky dancing earlier and…well I didn’t want them to have all the fun! But I will admit, John is a very good dancer,” I said.

“I know…he’s always making me look bad,” Jake muttered.

“No, you’re a wonderful dancer!” I said.  “You haven’t stepped on my foot once!”

Jake laughed. “You’re so clever.”

“Maybe not so clever.  I didn’t even suspect that all those things Mrs. Fickley heard about the Millers were a bunch of lies.”

“What things?”

“Oh, that Becky ran off on her husband, and was living with John before they were married.”

Jake’s face turned serious. “Well…those aren’t lies.  Becky did run off on her first husband, and she did live with John before they were married.”

I stopped dancing and stared at Jake in astonishment.  “She…did?”

“Yes, but that’s only half the story.  The neighbors don’t seem to remember that Becky’s first husband abused and tried to kill her.  She stayed with John because she was hiding from him.”

“That’s…that’s horrible…” I suddenly felt very bad for disliking her so much.

Jake nodded sadly.  “And, do you remember the dinner on Tuesday?  When you mentioned Mr. Moore?”

“Yes?”

“Well…Mr. Moore was his attorney…”

 

“Mr. Sullivan, what was your wife’s behavior like during your five years of marriage?”

“My wife was mostly pretty quiet, but she was prone to having these… episodes…on occasion.”

“Describe these episodes, Mr. Sullivan.”

“She would…have these fits of anger….and would make up these wild stories.”

“I see.  So, when your wife disappeared, what were your thoughts?”

“I was worried about her.  I didn’t want her to hurt herself.”

“Had she hurt herself before?”

“Never on purpose, I’m sure.”

“Mr. Moore’s strategy was to make it look like Becky was a loony toon.  He was…ruthless.”

“Mr. Miller, during the time Mrs. Sullivan was…living with you, did she ever exhibit any unusual behavior?”

“No.”

“No?  Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t it true, Mr. Miller, that Mrs. Sullivan didn’t say even two words to you, or anyone else, in a month?”

“Uh…”
“Need I remind you that you are under oath?”

“No, but—“

“Answer my question, Mr. Miller.  Did she or did she not speak at all in a month?”

“No, she didn’t, but—”

“Wouldn’t you say that is a bit unusual?  Wouldn’t you say that Mrs. Sullivan’s behavior during the time she was living with you was unusual?  Don’t you think it’s unusual for a woman to write suicide notes, Mr. Miller?”

 

“He even managed to rattle my cage.”

“Officer Harper, describe what happened after you found my client and his wife.”

“I saw the defendant, Mr. Sullivan, holding his wife at gunpoint.  I identified myself, and asked him to drop his weapon.  He told me “Back off, I’ll shoot her!” and I negotiated with him to release her.”

“You saved her life?”

“Well…um, I was just doing my job.”

“You saw a gun?”

“Yes.”
“It was dark out.  Are you sure?”

“Yes, Mr. Moore, I saw a gun.”

“Officer Harper, explain to me how my client was shot.”

“I tried to get Mrs. Sullivan away from him.  In the struggle, he dropped the gun.”

“And who fired it at my client?”

“Officer Harper?”

“Answer the question, Officer Harper.”

“Mrs. Sullivan.”

“What happened to Becky’s ex-husband?” I asked.

“I’m…not sure, actually. It looked like he was going to win the case, then, out of the blue, he just…pled guilty to all charges. It was big surprise for everyone. He’ll be in jail for at least 25 years.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” I exclaimed. “Well, not wonderful that Becky’s ex-husband did all those horrible things…but at least he got what he deserved…oh it would have been best if it never happened!” I said cheerily. The music changed to Bill Haley and the Comets. I squealed in excitement.

 

“Good music tonight,” Jake said. We quickened our steps to match the rhythm of the music.

“Yes it is! Twirl me!”

Jake laughed and lifted his hand, and I spun like a top underneath it. Babs looked up from her martini glass and laughed.

“Mary, you’re dancing like your life depends on it!” she giggled.

“Maybe it does!” I replied happily, spinning faster and faster, feeling almost overwhelmed by all the energy I suddenly had.

“Phew, I’m getting dizzy just watching you,” Jake said with a laugh, still twirling me around.

“This is such fun!” I exclaimed. The heel of my shoe caught the hem of my dress as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Like a crashing airplane, I made one last sloppy spin and landed on the floor hard.

"Mary!"