Mary, Just Mary Chapter Twelve

Mary reaches her breaking point, but can she break away from her commitment?

I stayed there on the sidewalk crying my eyes and heart out, not even hearing the door open and close.

“Mary! Mary, where were—Mary? What’s wrong?”

Soft, warm arms wrapped around me, and I subconsciously leaned into the caring embrace that surrounded me. I looked up and saw a blurry face with a pair of round, dark brown eyes. Shedding the tears in my eyes, I looked into Margie’s worried face. The tears stung my red, raw skin.

“Oh, Margie…” I sobbed.
“What happened?” she asked.
“He’s gone…he’s gone…”
“Who’s gone?”
The door burst open again, loud enough for it to give me a start, and another harsh sound filled the summertime air.

“Margaret, what are you doing out—Mary!” Mrs. Fickley gasped. “Helen! Edward! Mary is back!”
Hurried footsteps thundered out of the Fickley home and I was practically yanked out of Margie’s arms and pulled into my mother’s, but I felt no comfort at all. Mother hugged me and smoothed my hair, and I continued to cry.

“Oh, my sweet little girl, I was worried sick about you!” Mother said, nearly in tears herself. She pushed the tears off my face with her thumbs, and continued smoothing me over so I didn’t look like such a mess. “There, there, dear, what’s wrong? Did those people hurt you?”
“Yes…” I sobbed. Oh, I was so very hurt.
“Where were you?” Daddy asked. His booming voice sounded very displeased.
“Edward—” Mother started, but Daddy cut her off.
“Where were you?” he asked me again.
“I—I was—” I started to say.

“Do you have any idea what you put your mother and I through? For God’s sake, what were you thinking?! We didn’t raise you to act like this! Louise told me you ran off with that trampy woman, Babs Andrews! It’s a wonder you’re not in jail now, running around with the likes of her!”
Louise…
That’s why they all came after me…
She…she told…
I felt so betrayed.

“And you were gone all night! People will talk, Mary! Where exactly were you?”
I wanted to be bold and say “Sleeping in Jake Harper’s bed,” but my lips just couldn’t form words, all they could do was quiver. Without Jake, I felt like I had no reason to be brave…no reason to try to fool myself into thinking I belonged with him. I didn’t care how upset my mother was and how angry my father was. Mother pulled me into a tight hug, but I stared down the empty road, knowing my future would be just as empty if Jake wasn’t in it.
“I’m going to the police station,” Daddy said. I flinched at the last two words. They hit me like a bee’s sting. “Albert is over there now, wondering where you’re at. When I get back I want an explanation.” He walked over to his car and pulled out of the driveway. I almost stopped him, almost said I wanted to go with him for no other reason but the chance to look into Jake’s eyes one last time, even if all I saw was anger…or indifference.

“Come, sweetheart, let’s get you cleaned up,” Mother said. She took me into the house and we went to the second-floor bathroom, and it felt like a death march. Wondering how I was still not yet out of tears, I let them spill down my face as my lip quivered. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and looked up at my Mother as she wet a washcloth to clean my face like I was a toddler again.

“There, there, honey, everything will be all right. You’re getting married soon, just think about that,” Mother said, thinking that was supposed to comfort me instead of making me feel worse. She dabbed the warm terry underneath my eyes, but it was a futile effort. My eyes would never be dry again.
He left me.
Alone…I’m all alone…
“And don’t worry about Albert, dear. He knows you’re a good girl and you didn’t mean to behave so childishly. You’re a good girl, aren’t you?”
I felt a flash of heat flare up in my stomach. It boiled furiously as my mother continued to coo at me.
“Mother—“
“Shh, darling, I know you’re sorry. You’re still a good girl. Yes, such a—“
"Mother, just stop!” I snapped suddenly, slapping her hand away from my face and knocking the washcloth out of it.
“Dear, what has gotten into you?” she asked. I didn’t answer her; I just walked out of the bathroom and shut myself in my room. I did feel sorry, but not sorry for what my parents thought I should be sorry for. I felt sorry for what I did to Jake…and sorry for myself. I sat down on the bed and filled my head with all my bittersweet memories. I traced every detail of him in my mind…
His wide, friendly smile…

His strong embrace…

His tender lips…His voice…

His kind heart…A knock on the door stole his image from my mind. “Go away!” I said harshly, not caring who was behind that door. It could have been the second coming of Christ, and I still would have snarled. Closing my eyes, I tried to bring Jake back, but the door creaked open. I was sure it was my father, returning for the explanation he demanded of me earlier. Whipping my head around, I faced the door.

“I said—“

“Oh. Margie.” My anger cooled.
“Sorry if I’m bothering you. I was just wondering if you wanted something to eat.”
Margie carried a tray of food over, and I smiled at her thoughtfulness. The contents of the tray included pancakes topped with berries, and though it looked and smelled delicious, I turned my head away. Not even my favorite meal could comfort me. She placed the tray of food on one of the nightstands.
“I’m not hungry,” I murmured.
“Too much on your mind again?”
“Mhm.”

“What happened?” Margie asked, sitting down on the bed alongside me.
“Jake…brought me back here. He…he didn’t even tell me to stay with him. Didn’t even try to convince me not to marry Albert. He doesn’t love me anymore.”
“He said that?”
“He didn’t have to. Why else would he bring me back here? Why else wouldn’t he tell me to not marry someone else? He…he doesn’t care if—if I…”
“Are you in love with him?”
Nothing inside of me had any desire left to lie. If things had stayed the same as always, I could have laughed and scoffed at such a silly notion, but the truth was a powerful thing. I couldn’t answer, but I didn’t need to.

Anyone who saw me—really saw me—could see it.
I was truly…
madly in love…
with Jake Harper.
“Sometimes, if you love something…you have to let it go. Even if it hurts.”
I looked up, startled by what she had said. Everything I had learned from him, everything I felt, it was wound up too tight and too deep. Tearing out the tangled knots of my feelings would take longer than a lifetime. I looked at my jeweled hand, and I knew the years would only turn the diamond into lead…and my heart would forever carry that burden. Forever. I would spend forever with someone I didn’t love. I would spend forever loving someone who didn’t love me.
But letting Jake go…I couldn’t even imagine such a thing. It simply wasn’t an option.

“Margie…how can you say that? You know how I feel! Are you saying I should be unhappy for the rest of my life?”
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. You have to understand why Jake did—“
Suddenly, the door flew open, and Mrs. Fickley walked into the room. I stared at Margie, desperately wishing she would finish her sentence.
Why Jake did what? What?!

“Mary, your father is downstairs, and we’re all waiting for you to explain yourself,” Mrs. Fickley said. She looked at Margie, and scowled. “Get up, Margaret, I don’t pay you to sit around like a…”
Mrs. Fickley stopped her rant right in its tracks and stared at Margie. I was confused by her odd action.
“What…what is—“ Mrs. Fickley leered over Margie and snatched up her arm like a hawk grabbing a mouse. Margie looked scared and confused. I then realized with horror what Mrs. Fickley was looking at.
The ring!
My mouth went dry and a wave of bitter cold panic washed across my body.

“You little thief!” Mrs. Fickley yanked Margie to her feet, drawing a startled yell from my friend. “How dare you steal from us!” Mrs. Fickley roared. Margie’s face turned from fear to anger. She yanked her arm away.
“I’m no thief, you old bat! My husband gave it to me!” Margie said with more force in her voice than I ever heard before.
“Lying tramp! Give me that ring back this instant!”
“No!”

Mrs. Fickley had found the ring…my ring… Mrs. Fickley reaching over Margie’s outstretched arms trying to tear the ring off her hand, or maybe just take Margie’s hand entirely. Margie tried to push her away, and Mrs. Fickley raised her hand to hit her. I squeezed my way in between them and pushed Mrs. Fickley away.
"Mary! What in God’s name are you doing?!” Mrs. Fickley asked.
“Wait! She didn’t steal the ring! I gave it to her husband to give to her! Please don’t be angry with her!”
“And why on earth would you do that?”

“Because he wanted to get her a nice wedding ring. I…I just wanted to help! She deserves way more than what she gets, even though you don't think so! You treat her like she's--she's garbage! But she's not! All those awful things you say about her aren't true at all! You're just--an ignorant old witch!"
“How dare you! Mary, I don't know what has gotten into you but I'm sure it's all this little--! They’re going to suck us dry if you just let them do what they want, you stupid girl! They have no work ethic!” She then turned to Margie. “Get out of my house! You’re finished here!” My heart sank. Margie’s face turned to stone and she stormed out of the house. I tried to run after her, and made it down the stairs before someone grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me back.

“Margie!” I called. I twisted and pulled, but my captor’s grip was too tight. I turned around and saw my father’s face, my father’s ice cold face, staring at me.
No! Not Margie too! No!
“Edward, I am appalled by your daughter’s behavior!” Mrs. Fickley shouted as she walked down the stairs. “I just found out she gave that beautiful promise ring my son gave her to that nappy-haired monkey!”
“Don’t call her that!” I snapped.
“And who is this Jake? Have you been running around with another man?!”
I strained towards the door. “Margie!” I called again. “Daddy, let go!”

“Enough, Mary! I have had it with your foolishness!” Daddy shouted. “Another man? Good God, what has happened to you? You’re acting like an impulsive child! Don’t you understand what you’re doing? Answer me!”
“This is wrong! Margie didn’t do anything to deserve this!”
“I can’t believe it! My own daughter, my little princess, my pride and joy has turned into a—a sneak! A liar! A trollop!”
“Edward!” Mother exclaimed. She folded her hands around my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “You’re just going through a phase, darling. Every woman gets cold feet before her wedding—”
“Helen, stop babying her! The girl needs to come to her senses! He’s nothing, Mary! Just white trash!” Father exclaimed.
“Jake Harper is not trash!” I shouted.
“Dirty, unkempt, crawling around in seedy bars, without any sense of decorum—”

“I love him!”
The room fell deathly silent.

“Mary…” my mother whispered.
And…across the room, I saw another figure move…
Silently.

I lingered over his cloudy gaze until, suddenly, my father grabbed my arm again and his hand met my cheek in a sharp sting that made me cry out, mostly from shock.

“Get upstairs now, and I don’t want to see you again until you get your head out of the clouds.”

Next chapter out soon, I hope

Hey everyone, I'm sorry I haven't uploaded the next chapter yet. My computer is having its old crashing issues, and I'm working on fixing it myself this time as opposed to sending it into Best Buy and not seeing it for 2 months. I'll try to get the last two chapters out by the end of the month (yes there is only 2 chapters left!) Until then, sit tight!

Checking my gear,

Cerulee

Mary, Just Mary Chapter Eleven

Mary discovers the consequences of the choices she made...

Ow…my head…

Blinking, I tried to make sense of everything, but at that moment all I could remember was blur. I had a horrible headache, and terrible nausea.

What…what happened?

Wait…this isn’t my room!

Oh, my goodness! 
I was in a strange room, lying in a strange bed, still wearing my dress from the night before, all wrinkled and unkempt. I untangled myself from the blankets and discovered my shoes were missing. Sitting up quickly, I tried to gather my thoughts and I soon made a clear recollection…

Jake and I…we kissed…
But what else—

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!

“Jake!” I called. My stomach sent up a wave of nausea to my throat from being disturbed from a more comfortable rest, but I was in too much of a panic to pay attention to either my stomach or my throbbing head. I ran into another room, and the familiarity of Jake’s living room told me I was still in his house. 

I had spent the night at his house?!
Oh, my goodness! 

“Jake!” I called again, almost in tears. I heard footsteps pound down the stairs, and Jake came rushing down toward me. He must have been in the middle of getting dressed because he wore only a undershirt and his slacks, with the belt not fully looped around his waist.

“Oh! What happened? Was I in…your bed? Oh! What did we do? Why did I drink so much?” I wailed.
“Calm down. Nothing happened, I swear. After…um…well…you were tired and wanted to sleep…and I let you stay in my bed. I have a guest bedroom upstairs.”
“Really?” I murmured.

“Really.”
“Oh, that’s a—“
I was about to say “that’s a relief,” until my stomach made violent flip-flops that made my tongue curl.
“Are you okay?” Jake asked.

 

“I feel sick!” I exclaimed, clamping my hands over my mouth.
“Bathroom. That way,” Jake said, pointing to a door at the end of the hallway. I rushed to it and just barely made it to the toilet before I vomited. The pains in my head and stomach were bad enough but the pain I felt in my heart was worse than anything I ever experienced. I couldn’t stay forever. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. I was going to be married in one week. My parents would never accept anything less. 

Trying to compose myself, I smoothed my hair and washed my face clean of all the makeup I wore. It wasn’t fair…what I was doing to Jake. He had been kind to me, cared about me when I felt so alone; put his own feelings on the line for me when I didn’t deserve it.

It wasn’t fair…

But I had to say goodbye. 
I’m a horrible person… 

I left the bathroom and went back into Jake’s living room. He was gone again, but I heard movement upstairs and figured he probably went back up to finish getting dressed. I stood by the door and found my shoes there. Slipping them on, I waited for him to return. I placed my hand over my face when his footfalls started tumbling down the stairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at him. He stared back at me.

“Well?” he sighed.

He was wearing his uniform. “You have to work?” I asked, not wanting to do what I had to.
“In an hour.  I got up early to make sure you were still all right.”

“Thank you.”

 

“So what are you going to do?” he asked.

“I…I have to go back.”

“Did…did last night mean anything to you?”
“More than you know.”
“Then…why?”

“I don’t have a choice.” Jake scoffed when I said that and turned away. “Just listen!” I cried desperately. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen! I—I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“Well, for not wanting to hurt me you sure did a damn good job of it. You’ve hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. I’ve been going through Hell and back for you, and for what? So you can just go back to playing house with—with them?”
“You don’t understand—“
“You’re damn right I don’t understand. How can you live with yourself when you let other people run your life all the time?”
“Jake, you’re being mean,” I said pitifully.
“I’m being—ugh! I poured my heart out to you! Don’t you care about what you’re doing to me? Am I just a toy for you to play around with?”
“N-no.”

Jake let out a dry chuckle. “I should have known. I should have known you would be nothing but trouble. Were you just looking for the biggest sap in town to play games with, Mary? Because I think you found him.”
His words were cold but they spread the fire that was already burning in my stomach. My aching head throbbed and my tumbling emotions made me sick and angry and hurt and even…even a little happy…because I was still with Jake even though I wasn’t supposed to be—even though he seemed to no longer want me there.
His words from last night…
They brought an aching in my heart the likes of which I never felt before. I broke down in tears again.
“I…”
“If you’re just going to stand there and cry about everything, you might as well go back. Maybe you are the silly little girl they think you are.”

Something snapped when he said those words. I don’t know what came over me, I was just so angry and scared and deeply, deeply hurt…hurt because I thought I had lost the respect of the one person who ever really gave it to me.

And scared because I thought maybe…maybe he was right.
In one unseemly outburst, I slapped Jake across his face and stormed out of his house, slamming his front door as hard as I could. On my way down his porch steps I stumbled and fell to the ground, but I was too heavy-hearted to add pain to my recipe of emotions and I got back up and kept walking.

It was another sultry, beautiful day in Sharon but I couldn’t see any of it. The sun was in my eyes, and burning. The breeze was blowing, pulling at my skirt and my hair, and I wanted it to leave me alone. My eyes remained on the ground. A little blackbird sitting on a telephone pole started to squawk as I approached. I rubbed my temples and continued on. 
Ta-tweet! Pip! Pip! Pip!
“Oh, shut up!” I screamed up at the sky. The bird continued to protest my being there. 
Great. Nobody wants me around anymore. 

I crumpled to the side of the road like a piece of paper tossed aside. All I could think was why, why, why? Why did God bring Jake into my life when I could never have him? Why did I go to that church? Why did I look for him everywhere I went? Why did I have to be Mary Ellen Baker, soon to be Mrs. Albert Fickley? Why couldn’t I be someone else? Why did I have to be me? 

And who was that anyway?

Was I brave enough to find out?

Could I make that difficult decision like Nora?

 

HELMER: It's shocking. This is how you would neglect your most sacred duties.
NORA: What do you consider my most sacred duties?
HELMER: Do I need to tell you that? Are they not your duties to your husband and your children?
These duties seemed so right before…

NORA: I have other duties just as sacred.

HELMER: That you have not. What duties could those be?
NORA: Duties to myself.

HELMER: Before all else, you are a wife and a mother.

Will I be nothing more than that?
NORA: I don't believe that any longer. I believe that before all else I am a reasonable human being, just as you are—or, at all events, that I must try and become one. I know quite well, Torvald, that most people would think you right, and that views of that kind are to be found in books; but I can no longer content myself with what most people say, or with what is found in books. I must think over things for myself and get to understand them.

I heard a noise coming down the road behind me, and a bittersweet sight appeared when I turned; Jake had followed me in his truck. I stared at him as he approached. I wanted to cry again but I knew he wouldn’t coddle my tears any longer. I wanted to fall at his knees and beg him to forgive me—to save me.

Oh, Jake, tell me I don’t have to go.

Tell me I don’t have to marry a man I don’t love.

Tell me I don’t have to be someone’s doll.

Tell me I am a reasonable human being…

 But that wonderful thing did not happen.

“Mary, let me take you home,” he said.

 

He said nothing else to me on the way back to the strange white house that was not home. My heart was aching. I didn’t understand why he was so willing to part with me—to push me away. He didn’t love me anymore, I was sure of it. I had lost the one wonderful thing I had in this world before I had even received it. I closed my eyes as the truck came to a stop. I prayed.

Over! All over! Dear God, it can’t end like this! Please make him forgive me! Please do something so I don’t lose him forever…oh, Jake, will you never think of me again?

The passenger side door opened, and I looked up at his face for the last time. I climbed out of the truck and he turned away, walking back to the driver’s side door of his truck.

 

“Jake?” I whimpered. He kept walking. “Jake, please, say something.”
He stopped, but didn’t look back at me.
“What do you want me to say?”
I couldn’t answer his question, because I didn’t know if I was strong enough to decide. I didn’t know if I wanted him to tell me to leave Albert or not. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear him say he loved me or didn’t anymore. I didn’t even know if I wanted him to say he forgave me, or if I even deserved his forgiveness after everything I did. I stared at him, still and useless as he got back into his truck. It felt like my heart was ripped right out of my chest and dragged along the road behind Jake’s truck as it grew smaller and smaller and finally vanished from my sight. All my strength vanished along with it, and I sank to my knees and let out an agonized wail.

Mary, Just Mary Chapter Ten

Mary must face her true feelings, but can she accept them?

I make him laugh?

I sat awkwardly against the car and ran Jake’s words through my head over and over.

There’s nobody like her.

She makes me laugh.

I started crying. I couldn’t hide everything I was feeling any longer. I couldn’t paint on a smile and pretend the sun was always shining. Things had changed. I had turned into a completely different person and I had no idea how to change back, or even if I wanted to. My life had been beautiful once. But beautiful was no longer enough. It would never again be enough.

But Jake…

Jake would be enough.

I had to tell him how I felt. I had to hold my heart out in my hand. I had to tell him that I too thought there was nobody like him.

I have to tell him.

To tell him…

                                                                                                                                          

“Mary! Mary, where are you?” I heard Babs calling. I had completely forgotten about her, and everyone else, and the fact that I was still outside sitting in the dirt parking lot. And I also forgot the ring. The ring on my finger. The ring that always reminded me that love was a gift I would never receive. I didn’t have the strength nor the will to stand up, so I sat behind the car I had hidden myself behind and continued to cry.

What do I do?

It’s wrong...this is all wrong…

But why? Why is it wrong?

Why is this happening to me?

“Mary!”

Babs’s voice burst through the still night air. I looked up and saw her face nearing mine, and she put her hands on my shoulders. I heard other footsteps rush over.

“Mary, what happened?” Babs asked.

“Mary! You—how much did you hear? Did you—” Jake stammered.

I couldn’t answer either of them. Tears kept falling like big raindrops, but Jake figured out that I heard enough.

“John!” Jake exclaimed in a furious voice.

“I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“Just get out of here!”
“Jake, please, listen—“

“Leave us alone!”

“Boys…I think Mary needs to go home now,” Babs said gently.

“We can take her—“ John started.

“No…no…” I whimpered.

“What, baby?” Babs asked.

“I don’t want to go home.”

“You can’t stay here all night.”

“I want to go with Jake.”

Everyone was silent. Babs stood up and looked at Jake and John, who both looked like they didn’t know what else to say. After the long silence, Jake knelt down and helped me to my feet. He walked me over to his truck and helped me get in.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

I leaned against the door of the truck, still feeling as though I was torn in two. Outside, I could hear muffled voices; Jake and John still talking to each other. Jake’s voice grew louder and louder, finally erupting into another furious yell, then falling silent. The driver’s door to the truck opened and Jake climbed in, slamming the door closed with such force it made the truck rock back and forth. Jake said nothing to me for a moment. The only sound from his mouth was an exhausted sigh.

“I’ll take you home,” he finally said.

“No! I don’t want to go home! I don’t want to go home!” I sobbed, clinging to Jake’s shirt and burying my face in his chest.

“Mary, you probably should—“

“I don’t want to go home!”

Jake became quiet again. I saw a look in his eyes that was very different from how they usually looked. His eyes, his once happy, sparkling eyes, looked tired and sad. I didn’t like how they looked.

Then, he smiled at me, but only half a smile.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to go home.”

I didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive. Jake didn’t either. My mind was just too full to speak.

Could I really break things off with Albert…and be with Jake?

Would it really be as crazy as it sounds?

I must be losing my mind!

When we got to Jake’s house, I still felt very sick and exhausted. Jake helped me through the door and into his house. He set me down on his sofa and told me he would get me a drink of water. And I…

I still couldn’t think of what to say.

“Here, Mary, try to drink this if you can,” Jake said when he returned. I honestly didn’t want any more water, or anything in my stomach at all, but I took the glass and gently sipped the water. He sat down on the couch next to me.

“Thank you,” I said.

“I—I’m so sorry about what you heard John say at the bar. He—he was so out of line—“

“It’s all right. I’m sorry I made you scream at him.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t mean to make you fight with such a close friend.”

“Really, it’s not your fault. And, well…it’s not the first time we’ve fought. We’ll manage to get over it. Just a bump in the road, that’s all.”

“It all seems so silly, what I’ve been thinking all this time,” I said with a giggle.

“What seems silly?”

“Well, when I first met John…and Becky, I thought that you…”

“Me…?”

“And—and her…”

Jake looked confused for a second, then understood what I meant.

“Me and…Becky?”

I nodded.

“Oh! Um…well…Becky is a lovely woman and all but…I—I could never do that to John. It would—it would just…kill him.”

“Besides…I…think I’m already taken…by someone else.”

My heart started to flutter.

“If…if she…if she wants me,” Jake murmured.

I took another nervous gulp of water and set the glass down on the coffee table.

What do I do?

Not knowing what to say, I said the first thing on my mind.

“John’s right, you know.”

“Right about what?”

“What he said at the bar—“ A single tear started rolling down my cheek.
“He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“But he’s right. There’s nothing special about me.”

“And I don’t think he meant that either. It’s not true anyway. You…you’re very special.”

“Right, I’m very beautiful, I know.” I said bitterly. I turned away from Jake and pulled my knees up against my body, looking out the window. Jake’s hand lightly stroked my back. His touch was irresistible, and I leaned in closer to him, closer until I was all caught up in his arms wishing he would never let me go.

“You are very beautiful. But that’s not the only thing. You care about people, people that nobody else even thinks about. Like the Rubys. And…”

“I’m silly.”

Jake smiled. “Very silly sometimes. But is that really a bad thing?”

“Yes it is!” I cried out. Jake’s smile disappeared. Bulging tears rolled down my cheeks and I struggled with my words and my sobs. “Everything is so different now! My parents keep telling me ‘It’s time to grow up, Mary, grow up,’ but I feel like I’m turning into somebody else, somebody I don’t want to be! I mean…I want to stop being such an immature child and be a good wife like my parents want…but…I don’t know how to be a good wife.”

Jake pulled a handkerchief and gave it to me. I dabbed my eyes and he gently took my hand.

“I think you would be a great wife.”

I looked at Jake, realizing that the whole time I was talking, he was listening to me. Really listening. He leaned forward in his chair, looking into my eyes, holding on to my every word, not halfheartedly glancing at me out of the corner of his eye and murmuring, “Ah, I see,” like Albert would. What I said mattered to Jake. He took me seriously. That both delighted me and scared me to death.

And he was looking at me.

With that look.

I quickly pulled my hand away from his soft grasp and looked away from his soft eyes. I let things go too far. Much too far.

“What do you see happening between us?” Jake asked softly.

Startled, I jumped to my feet and turned towards the door.

“I should probably go home now,” I said.

“Should you?” Jake asked. He wouldn’t look at me.

“This…this isn’t right. I’m engaged.”

“If you want to leave, then go. I won’t stop you.”

“Jake…”

“Please, if you really want to go back to your fiancé and your money and your nice house just go now, because every second you’re with me is like torture.”

“I’m sorry. I have to go. I have to.”

Jake stood up and walked up to me. I hung my head, too ashamed to face him. “You shouldn’t have to do anything,” he said. “Think for yourself. What is it that you want?”

“I…I don’t know…”

“You have to decide, Mary! Your fiancé and Mrs. Fickley can tell you what to do, but the only person who has to live your life is you!”

A thick sob nearly strangled me, and I quickly got up and rushed out the nearest door I could find. I wound up on Jake’s front porch and I tried to convince myself to leave, to forget about everything that I said and that Jake said and the truth that was creeping up on me, threatening to destroy my long-nurtured dreams of perfection. Wiping my eyes, I looked up at the stars, remembering my beautiful childhood wishes, and realizing what a fantastic lie they all were. I heard the door creak softly, and the tender sound of Jake’s shoes rose above the calm night sky.

“Mary? I’m…I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“It’s all right. I’m fine.”

“I…I didn’t mean…well…I just…”

I turned to him, and he was looking down, rubbing the back of his head and shuffling his feet. I reached for his hand. We drew closer. My heart fluttered as he gently brushed my hair from my cheek. Closer still. Sinfully close. Heavenly close.

“Mary…” he whispered.

“Yes, Jake?”

"There's something I want to say to you. Something I've wanted to say since the day I saw you."

"Oh, Jake..."

“I love you, Mary Ellen.”

Then, something happened…

 

Something that was far beyond a first kiss.

The rest of the world just disappeared. There was no ring on my finger, no fiancé I was being unfaithful to, no screeching future mother-in-law, and no confusing and unreasonable rules of what a married woman needed to be. There was only Jake, the warmth of his embrace, the sound of his breath, his fingers gathering strands of my hair, and his lips that were sweeter than anything I could even imagine.

I suddenly had a new dream, and he was holding me in his arms.