Mary, Just Mary Chapter Nine

Mary falls...and keeps falling.

Need I say more?

“Oh, are you okay?” Jake asked, kneeling down next to me. Babs also got up and ran to my side.

“Ow…” I moaned. “Oh...oh—Jake…”
“I’ll get her some water,” Babs said.
“Here, why don’t you step outside for a second?” Jake said. He lifted me in his arms…

 Floating…

Though my body stopped spinning, my head was still twirling like mad. Jake carried me to the door, and set me down for a moment to open the door. I gently walked through it, and Jake picked me up again. The blaring music and smoky smell of the bar changed to the sound of crickets and warm, muggy, nighttime air. I clung to Jake tighter, the smell of his aftershave seemed to help clear my head.

“Anything hurt?” Jake asked.

“My wrist…a little,” I said. “Where are we?”

“Outside.”

“Am I drunk?”

“Maybe a little.” 
“Oh, I’m in so much trouble! My parents are gonna flip!”

 

“You’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” Jake said. He set me down on a wooden bench and gently took my hands. I blushed as he gently squeezed at my wrists. “Nothing feels broken. You’ll probably just have some bruises. I’m sorry, I should have told you not to twirl so fast.”

“It’s not your fault, I should have known better,” I moaned while rubbed my temples. “I wasn’t behaving like a lady should. Oh, that was so embarrassing! I can’t believe I tripped and fell like that in front of everyone!”
“Hey, it’s all right. You were just having fun. Most people will know that. The rest will just be too drunk to remember anyway. It’s definitely not the worst alcohol-induced fall anyone’s ever done. You should have seen me at John and Becky’s wedding reception…I fell against a table and knocked over the bowl of fruit punch, ended up with a white tuxedo with big red…splotches. Heh…I blame Simon for that…”

“Splotches.” I giggled. “On the bright side, I think red looks good on you!” I said, tugging at his red shirt.

“Oh, Mary…” Jake chuckled. His laugh made my heart flutter. I felt dizzy again and fell against him. “Ooh, easy there,” he said.

 

“Jake!” I heard a voice call. It was Babs.

“Over here,” Jake called, waving. Babs hurried over with a cup of water and a damp washcloth. She knelt down in front of me and helped me sit up.

“How is she?” she asked, dabbing at my face.

“Pretty out of it. Damn it, why did you give her so much?”

“Hey, it’s a rite of passage! Like learning to drive or having your first kiss! And besides, you were the one encouraging her to have fun, remember?” Babs handed me the cup. “Drink some of this, baby.”

“Okay,” I murmured. All of the energy I had only a few minutes beforehand was gone, and instead I had acquired a burning, unsettled stomach.

 

“Let me see if I can get Donnie to whip up something that will sober you up,” Babs said. She headed back into the bar.

“Do you feel sick?” Jake asked gently.

“A little,” I said.

“Stay here, Mary, I might have something in my truck,” Jake said. I nodded, and he leaned me against the bench and walked out into the parking lot. I watched him walk away, wondering if it was the drink or the moonlight or a little bit of both that made him look so amazing.

Or perhaps, it was simply that he was amazing.

 

The heavy door opened and closed again. For a second I thought it was Babs, but the footsteps that approached were almost silent.
“I can’t keep quiet anymore.”

I looked up. Becky stood above me with her arms crossed. The light from the moon lit up her face just enough to show the coldness in her eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” her voice was almost a whisper.

“What?” I asked.

Becky looked over towards where Jake had gone. Her eyes softened into something…very sad. “Jake is a good person. He doesn’t deserve this.”

“Deserve what?”

“You.”

I jumped to my feet in anger, and put my face just inches away from hers. “Just who do you think you—”

“You’re going to hurt him,” she murmured. 

Her words were like pins that seemed to pierce my chest. I stared at her, unable to talk or even breathe. “You’re going to break his heart,” she continued. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes again and I sank back into the old bench.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” I whimpered. “I really don’t.”
“Every time you come back to him…it gives him hope. You have a fiancé and a life that is that is a world away. Are you really going to promise Jake something he can never have?”

“You—you don’t understand!” I blurted out, jumping to my feet again. “I don’t leave home just to tease Jake! I—I leave because I…oh! You don’t know what it’s like! I’ve seen the way your husband looks at you. It’s…almost magical! You don’t know how it feels to be someone’s wind up doll! To have to look and act the way everyone else wants you to! To—to try to say something and not be listened to! To…”

“To be with someone…who doesn’t even…love you…the way he should.”

Becky looked away from me, looking as though she was about to start crying herself. Then I remembered what Jake said…

Becky’s first husband abused and tried to kill her.

I clasped my hands over my mouth.

 

“Oh, forgive me. That was…very insensitive…I…” Becky turned and started walking away.

"Wait!"
Becky stopped and looked back at me. I hung my head and squeezed my hands together. “The truth is…I want…that. I wish I had what you have. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of.” My voice fell silent, and Becky stayed quiet as well. The only noise was of the night sky, crickets, an owl hooting in the distance, the low, droning hum of music coming from inside the bar...

Then she spoke.
“Wishing and dreaming won’t give you what you want,” she said before walking away.

 

I stared at Becky as she walked back into the bar. I didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. I was going to hurt Jake. I was going to break his heart. As much as I didn’t want to, it was the truth. As much as I wanted to belong here, I didn’t. My family had their own expectations for me. They expected me to marry Albert and carry on a legacy that was no longer one I wanted to follow. They expected me to live a life that I didn’t want anymore. I didn’t want money. I didn’t want a nice house. I didn’t want to be showered with presents. I didn't want to be anyone's princess, kitten, or little skylark.

I wanted Jake.

Realizing I was still alone, I wondered where he had gone. I suddenly missed him terribly, as if I hadn’t seen him in years. I walked around the parking lot, still in a daze, but drifting in the cool night air I heard men’s voices. As I approached I heard the deep, soothing drawl of Jake’s voice. Crouching behind a car, I listened to him and John as they spoke. Jake leaned against an old fence and stared into the dark woods behind the bar while John lingered behind him.

“I told you already—“
“I know what you told me.”
“Becky put you up to this?”

“I respect her concerns, and I trust her judgment.”

“And what exactly is she concerned about?”

 

“You’re setting yourself up for some serious hurtin’. She’s getting married. To a tycoon with more money than either of us will ever see in our entire lives,” John said.
I knew right away John was talking about me.

Jake stared at his feet, saying nothing.

“I know she’s a nice girl,” John continued, “But there are a million others just like her that aren’t already—“

“No, there aren’t. There’s nobody like her.”

“What makes her so special, Jake?”

 

I was angry with John for a moment, but only until I realized there just wasn’t anything very special about me. I couldn’t paint like Becky, or speak my mind like Babs. And I certainly wasn’t as smart and courageous as Margie. The only thing I was really good at doing was what other people wanted me to do. Jake fell silent again, and I felt like crying. He couldn’t even think of something that was special about me. I didn’t want to hear him say I was beautiful. My father always says I’m beautiful. Albert always says I’m beautiful. They were the first ones to see that I had nothing inside me at all. I got up and started to walk away, tears stinging my eyes, until I heard Jake’s clear, certain answer.

 

 “She makes me laugh.”