Mary, Just Mary Chapter Ten

Mary must face her true feelings, but can she accept them?

I make him laugh?

I sat awkwardly against the car and ran Jake’s words through my head over and over.

There’s nobody like her.

She makes me laugh.

I started crying. I couldn’t hide everything I was feeling any longer. I couldn’t paint on a smile and pretend the sun was always shining. Things had changed. I had turned into a completely different person and I had no idea how to change back, or even if I wanted to. My life had been beautiful once. But beautiful was no longer enough. It would never again be enough.

But Jake…

Jake would be enough.

I had to tell him how I felt. I had to hold my heart out in my hand. I had to tell him that I too thought there was nobody like him.

I have to tell him.

To tell him…

                                                                                                                                          

“Mary! Mary, where are you?” I heard Babs calling. I had completely forgotten about her, and everyone else, and the fact that I was still outside sitting in the dirt parking lot. And I also forgot the ring. The ring on my finger. The ring that always reminded me that love was a gift I would never receive. I didn’t have the strength nor the will to stand up, so I sat behind the car I had hidden myself behind and continued to cry.

What do I do?

It’s wrong...this is all wrong…

But why? Why is it wrong?

Why is this happening to me?

“Mary!”

Babs’s voice burst through the still night air. I looked up and saw her face nearing mine, and she put her hands on my shoulders. I heard other footsteps rush over.

“Mary, what happened?” Babs asked.

“Mary! You—how much did you hear? Did you—” Jake stammered.

I couldn’t answer either of them. Tears kept falling like big raindrops, but Jake figured out that I heard enough.

“John!” Jake exclaimed in a furious voice.

“I—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“Just get out of here!”
“Jake, please, listen—“

“Leave us alone!”

“Boys…I think Mary needs to go home now,” Babs said gently.

“We can take her—“ John started.

“No…no…” I whimpered.

“What, baby?” Babs asked.

“I don’t want to go home.”

“You can’t stay here all night.”

“I want to go with Jake.”

Everyone was silent. Babs stood up and looked at Jake and John, who both looked like they didn’t know what else to say. After the long silence, Jake knelt down and helped me to my feet. He walked me over to his truck and helped me get in.

“I’ll be right back,” he said.

I leaned against the door of the truck, still feeling as though I was torn in two. Outside, I could hear muffled voices; Jake and John still talking to each other. Jake’s voice grew louder and louder, finally erupting into another furious yell, then falling silent. The driver’s door to the truck opened and Jake climbed in, slamming the door closed with such force it made the truck rock back and forth. Jake said nothing to me for a moment. The only sound from his mouth was an exhausted sigh.

“I’ll take you home,” he finally said.

“No! I don’t want to go home! I don’t want to go home!” I sobbed, clinging to Jake’s shirt and burying my face in his chest.

“Mary, you probably should—“

“I don’t want to go home!”

Jake became quiet again. I saw a look in his eyes that was very different from how they usually looked. His eyes, his once happy, sparkling eyes, looked tired and sad. I didn’t like how they looked.

Then, he smiled at me, but only half a smile.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to go home.”

I didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive. Jake didn’t either. My mind was just too full to speak.

Could I really break things off with Albert…and be with Jake?

Would it really be as crazy as it sounds?

I must be losing my mind!

When we got to Jake’s house, I still felt very sick and exhausted. Jake helped me through the door and into his house. He set me down on his sofa and told me he would get me a drink of water. And I…

I still couldn’t think of what to say.

“Here, Mary, try to drink this if you can,” Jake said when he returned. I honestly didn’t want any more water, or anything in my stomach at all, but I took the glass and gently sipped the water. He sat down on the couch next to me.

“Thank you,” I said.

“I—I’m so sorry about what you heard John say at the bar. He—he was so out of line—“

“It’s all right. I’m sorry I made you scream at him.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t mean to make you fight with such a close friend.”

“Really, it’s not your fault. And, well…it’s not the first time we’ve fought. We’ll manage to get over it. Just a bump in the road, that’s all.”

“It all seems so silly, what I’ve been thinking all this time,” I said with a giggle.

“What seems silly?”

“Well, when I first met John…and Becky, I thought that you…”

“Me…?”

“And—and her…”

Jake looked confused for a second, then understood what I meant.

“Me and…Becky?”

I nodded.

“Oh! Um…well…Becky is a lovely woman and all but…I—I could never do that to John. It would—it would just…kill him.”

“Besides…I…think I’m already taken…by someone else.”

My heart started to flutter.

“If…if she…if she wants me,” Jake murmured.

I took another nervous gulp of water and set the glass down on the coffee table.

What do I do?

Not knowing what to say, I said the first thing on my mind.

“John’s right, you know.”

“Right about what?”

“What he said at the bar—“ A single tear started rolling down my cheek.
“He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“But he’s right. There’s nothing special about me.”

“And I don’t think he meant that either. It’s not true anyway. You…you’re very special.”

“Right, I’m very beautiful, I know.” I said bitterly. I turned away from Jake and pulled my knees up against my body, looking out the window. Jake’s hand lightly stroked my back. His touch was irresistible, and I leaned in closer to him, closer until I was all caught up in his arms wishing he would never let me go.

“You are very beautiful. But that’s not the only thing. You care about people, people that nobody else even thinks about. Like the Rubys. And…”

“I’m silly.”

Jake smiled. “Very silly sometimes. But is that really a bad thing?”

“Yes it is!” I cried out. Jake’s smile disappeared. Bulging tears rolled down my cheeks and I struggled with my words and my sobs. “Everything is so different now! My parents keep telling me ‘It’s time to grow up, Mary, grow up,’ but I feel like I’m turning into somebody else, somebody I don’t want to be! I mean…I want to stop being such an immature child and be a good wife like my parents want…but…I don’t know how to be a good wife.”

Jake pulled a handkerchief and gave it to me. I dabbed my eyes and he gently took my hand.

“I think you would be a great wife.”

I looked at Jake, realizing that the whole time I was talking, he was listening to me. Really listening. He leaned forward in his chair, looking into my eyes, holding on to my every word, not halfheartedly glancing at me out of the corner of his eye and murmuring, “Ah, I see,” like Albert would. What I said mattered to Jake. He took me seriously. That both delighted me and scared me to death.

And he was looking at me.

With that look.

I quickly pulled my hand away from his soft grasp and looked away from his soft eyes. I let things go too far. Much too far.

“What do you see happening between us?” Jake asked softly.

Startled, I jumped to my feet and turned towards the door.

“I should probably go home now,” I said.

“Should you?” Jake asked. He wouldn’t look at me.

“This…this isn’t right. I’m engaged.”

“If you want to leave, then go. I won’t stop you.”

“Jake…”

“Please, if you really want to go back to your fiancé and your money and your nice house just go now, because every second you’re with me is like torture.”

“I’m sorry. I have to go. I have to.”

Jake stood up and walked up to me. I hung my head, too ashamed to face him. “You shouldn’t have to do anything,” he said. “Think for yourself. What is it that you want?”

“I…I don’t know…”

“You have to decide, Mary! Your fiancé and Mrs. Fickley can tell you what to do, but the only person who has to live your life is you!”

A thick sob nearly strangled me, and I quickly got up and rushed out the nearest door I could find. I wound up on Jake’s front porch and I tried to convince myself to leave, to forget about everything that I said and that Jake said and the truth that was creeping up on me, threatening to destroy my long-nurtured dreams of perfection. Wiping my eyes, I looked up at the stars, remembering my beautiful childhood wishes, and realizing what a fantastic lie they all were. I heard the door creak softly, and the tender sound of Jake’s shoes rose above the calm night sky.

“Mary? I’m…I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“It’s all right. I’m fine.”

“I…I didn’t mean…well…I just…”

I turned to him, and he was looking down, rubbing the back of his head and shuffling his feet. I reached for his hand. We drew closer. My heart fluttered as he gently brushed my hair from my cheek. Closer still. Sinfully close. Heavenly close.

“Mary…” he whispered.

“Yes, Jake?”

"There's something I want to say to you. Something I've wanted to say since the day I saw you."

"Oh, Jake..."

“I love you, Mary Ellen.”

Then, something happened…

 

Something that was far beyond a first kiss.

The rest of the world just disappeared. There was no ring on my finger, no fiancé I was being unfaithful to, no screeching future mother-in-law, and no confusing and unreasonable rules of what a married woman needed to be. There was only Jake, the warmth of his embrace, the sound of his breath, his fingers gathering strands of my hair, and his lips that were sweeter than anything I could even imagine.

I suddenly had a new dream, and he was holding me in his arms.