Mary, Just Mary FINALE

The final chapter to Mary's story!

The last week was a nightmare. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house without an escort. My father explained away my behavior to Albert, that I was an impetuous little girl and I had a lot to learn still. Louise called me every single day. I ignored all the calls. I could have told everyone about her freewheeling with Richard Walker but I felt too beaten down to even muster a smidge of revenge. I wasn’t angry. I was just broken. My dress was ready. The church was prepared. The ceremony and reception were planned out perfectly. I was going to be Mrs. Albert Fickley.

I was never going to see Margie, Ronald, John, Becky, Babs, or any of the wonderful people I met in Riverview County again.
And Jake...
I broke the heart of the man I love.

I mostly stayed alone in my room feeling like the world was coming to an end. At night, the door was locked. I had many escape plans but didn’t have the nerve to carry any of them out. All I could think about was the last conversation I had with Jake…before he left me.

"I…I have to go back.”
“Did…did last night mean anything to you?”
“More than you know.”
“Then…why?”

"I should have known. I should have known you would be nothing but trouble. Were you just looking for the biggest sap in town to play games with, Mary? Because I think you found him.”

“Jake? Jake, please, say something.”
"What do you want me to say?”

“You’ve hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me.”

I felt so alone, so utterly alone. Nobody understood or wanted to understand how I was feeling. They just told me to stop feeling that way.
My mother told me…

“Mary, I know you’re unhappy now, but things will get better. You’ll forget all about that man soon enough. You’ll realize soon enough that you don’t really love him, and everything will be all better.”

And my father…

“One day you’ll understand, Mary. You can’t let your emotions get in the way of good judgment. This is a good thing. You’ll never have to worry about money. You’ll have security. You’ll be happy.”

Even Louise…

“Mary, I’m sorry. I…I was just trying to…help.”

 
I tried to tell myself they were right as the days past, but the only thing that felt right was loving Jake. My parents did their best to try to get me excited about the wedding, but each day made me more miserable than the last. I curled up on the bed each night and closed my eyes, and I imagined what it would feel like to be wrapped up in his arms…to wake up beside him…
No…it won’t happen…
It will never—

A small sound joined me in my loneliness one night, and made me lift my head. The doorknob across the room rattled softly, and made a low click. Confused, I got up from the bed. At first I thought it was my father locking the door again, but it had already been locked. I slowly tried turning the knob, and it creaked open. Not knowing what to do with my newly discovered freedom, I took one timid step out into the dark hallway. A fluttering in my heart told me to run. The door was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. I could run away, run to that blue house, run back into Jake’s arms…


No. He doesn’t want me anymore.
I have nowhere to go…

 
My throat tightened and my lips quivered as I realized that one terrible fact. Blinking back tears, I slowly descended the staircase and stared at the front door. I was on one side of the door. My heart…my freedom…was on the other.

A light flickered on behind me, and I gasped in panic. I wondered if someone had discovered I escaped. I ducked behind the stairs and watched for my father or someone else to walk in, but nobody entered. I heard a pair of heavy footsteps walking in the sitting room. Someone else seemed to be having trouble sleeping. Worried, I thought of who it could be. Sometimes Mrs. Fickley had trouble sleeping, and would take more of her pills, but she would usually go back to bed before long. My fears turned into curiosity as I stood to my feet and tiptoed to the sitting room.

 
Hiding myself behind the wall, I peered into the sitting room. What I saw nearly made me gasp.
 

 
“Albert…” my voice whispered.

He sank into one of the chairs and put his head in his knees. I had never seen him look that way before—so disheveled, so emotional. He looked like a scared child…or a poor wild animal trapped in a cage. The sharp sound of him sucking in his breath broke through the stillness, and he straightened himself. My heart filled with sympathy for him. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I had forgotten him. I had forgotten that I was unfaithful…had I hurt him too?
Does he love me too?
“Ah, Mary…” Albert murmured. I quickly pressed my back against the wall again, fearing he saw me. But he didn’t acknowledge me at all. He kept saying my name, over and over.

 
“Mary…you’re a nice girl…you’re beautiful…why am I not sad? You...you cheated on me...why am I not angry?"
I blinked, trying to make sense of what he just said.
"Why don't I love you, Mary?"
Had he ever loved me at all?
Is he just as much a pawn in all of this as I am?

 
Albert stood up and started walking right toward me, and I backed myself into the corner behind the chess table as quickly as I could, not having any other alternate escape route that would keep me from getting caught. He turned off the small lamp that sat on the desk near the archway, and I stayed as still as a shadow. I saw his dark shape move past me; apparently I was unseen. I pressed myself up against the wall as he made his way upstairs. His steps were slow and heavy.

I don’t want this…
And neither does he.

 
The house was still again for a moment, and then I heard the old grandfather clock in the sitting room chime.

Ding-dong, ding, ding, ding, ding-dong…
Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong.
It was midnight.
“I’m getting married today…” I whispered into the emptiness.


I returned to my room, lying alone in my bed, being tortured by the soft ticks of my small alarm clock on my nightstand. Each tick was another second of my life slipping away from me. I closed my eyes and tried to dream, but all I was able to do was sleep my freedom away with no visions of the one I loved.



“Mary!”
When I opened my eyes, it was morning. My mother and Mrs. Fickley were in my room trying to rouse me. When I came to, a cold, bitter feeling sank into my stomach like the morning after I had gotten drunk. I was getting married. And it wasn’t to Jake.

“Oh…darling…this is the happiest day of my life. I’ve been waiting for this since the day you were born…but now I just can’t bear to let you go!” Mother said, wrapping her arms around me. I started to cry. I couldn’t bear to let Jake go.
"Come now, Helen, Mary, we must get ready!” Mrs. Fickley said in her no-nonsense tone. If she had lived for this day her whole life, she certainly didn’t show it. The second I pulled myself out of bed, she barked orders around like a general commanding soldiers at war. I was to take a bath immediately, and eat a light breakfast so my dress would fit well. The bathing was easy, but I couldn’t eat a single bite.

“Ah, good, Mary. I’m proud of your resolve. You know, I think it’s good that little tart Margaret is gone now, her cooking was far too fatty for you. I was starting to think you weren’t going to fit into your dress! Wouldn’t that be a disaster?"


The rest of the morning sped by like a car with me latched to its bumper. I was told sit here, go there, stand here, get up and I obeyed every order like my brain had slipped out of my ears. I was primped and preened, made to look lovely like the little doll that I was. I really had no resolve at all, and I didn’t care.
So this is what the rest of my life will be like. I thought. Won’t it be easier to just let everyone else live it for me?
Wouldn’t it be easier to just be a doll, if that’s all I can be?

“It’s time, Mary,” Mother said. She took my hand, and led me to my place at the aisle. My father joined my side, and he wrapped his arm around mine, a contented look coming across his face. I could not cry. I could not speak. My face was emotionless. I was the doll everyone wanted me to be, with creamy skin, rosy cheeks, pink, pouty lips, big blue eyes, long blonde hair, and the ability to only do what other people made it do.

I was one aisle away from losing him forever…from losing the life I really wanted forever. My emotions gripped me like a pair of hands trying to shake my senses back into me. MY throat tightened, and my heart began to race. I felt like I had been plunged into water and was kicking, flailing, crying out for help, but still drowning.
Oh, Jake, please save me!
I don’t want to be a doll!

My eyes burned with tears. I was sinking faster and faster with each step I took. I wanted to run, but I kept walking. I saw myself at the end of the aisle, saying “I do.” I saw myself in the kitchen of the Fickley home stirring pancake batter like a machine. I saw myself herding three children who played joyously while I gazed on with a painted-on smile. The doll in the hand of my youngest girl had a painted-on smile. It could not smile on its own.

I could not smile on my own.

“Dearly beloved….” The priest began.
My mind was racing in every direction except the one it needed to go. I couldn’t pay attention to any of the words the priest spoke. I cried out in silence for someone to rescue me.


Please, don’t leave me alone!
I knew you were going to hurt him. He doesn’t deserve you.
Why did you do this to my best friend? He is a good man, a decent man, and you played him like a fool!
I thought you’d be different. I thought you’d understand. But you’re just like the rest of them. Well, I’d rather be a tramp!
You’re just a wet rag, that’s all you are. Can’t think for yourself.
I don’t want your sympathy or your handouts. Go ahead and stay in your white world, and I’ll stay in mine.
You were never really our friend anyway, were you? I thought you were different…
I hope you’re happy with your choice. I know I wouldn’t be happy if I had to marry a doll…


“If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace.”

You have to decide, Mary!
Sometimes, if you love something…you have to let it go.
Even if it hurts.

“And, do you, Mary, take Albert to be your lawfully wedded husband…”

My heart seemed to suddenly stop beating as the echo of voices started to make sense. The rest of the world seemed to shrink to the size of a head of a pin when it dawned on me…
He didn’t tell me to stay with him…because he wanted me to decide for myself!
He would rather risk losing me forever than not giving me the chance to make my own choices!
He…he really does still love me! He loves me! Oh, Jake!

That’s why he let you go!
Save yourself! You’re the only one who can!
“Mary?”

I blinked. Albert was waiting. My parents were waiting. The priest was waiting. Everyone was waiting for me to respond. Everyone was waiting for me to say I do. But the choice was not theirs. I saw it all clearly…the choice…
Was mine.

“I can’t.”
The church let out a single, collective gasp, with the finish of my mother’s high-pitched squeal and Mrs. Fickley’s Hhhhaaaauuuuugh!
“What are you saying, Mary?” Albert asked in a soft voice.
“I’m saying goodbye.” I pulled the engagement ring off my finger, and put it in his hand, freeing us both. I felt the weight of the world come off my shoulders. Albert stared at me, and slowly, a smile crept across his face. He was being left at the altar…and he smiled.

“Thank you. I only regret not realizing what a wonderful woman you are earlier.”

“Albert?! Have you lost your mind?!” Mrs. Fickley shrieked.
“You’ll find someone who is really the one for you, I’m sure of it," I said.
“I will now.”

I dropped my bouquet and ran to the church doors. “Stop her!” Mrs. Fickley screamed, but nobody tried. My mother cried out in shock and collapsed in a faint, and my father gathered her up in his arms and stared helplessly at me. I ran outside and kept running. Block after block passed me, and I was almost out of breath, but I kept running. In the distance I could see the big blue house that was more of a home to me than any other place I’ve ever lived at. His truck was gone, and his house seemed to be empty. I didn’t know where he was, or how long I would have to wait for him. But I didn’t care either, and I ran up to his porch.

Oh, please be home… I thought. I rang the doorbell. Nothing. I knocked on the door. Still nothing. Tears ran down my cheeks as I broke down into a quivering sob, and I sat down on the little white porch as the regret gripped my throat like thick smoke. Was I too late? Would he even forgive me after everything I’ve done? Breathless, I collapsed on the first step, the skirt of my dress sprawling everywhere. I gasped for breath, but it felt like the world just didn’t have enough air. My heart wouldn’t settle, and I kept gasping and crying and making an ungodly racket—
“Mary?”
 

I looked up, and he was there. I had cried so loudly that I didn’t even notice his approach. I must have looked a sight in my wedding dress with my face red and makeup running everywhere, but he rushed over to me with worry painted all over his handsome face. I let out a relieved laugh and collapsed in his arms. I could still barely breathe and I kept gasping, but I didn’t let go of Jake. He lifted me up and both of my shoes dropped right off me feet but I didn’t care, I never wanted to let go. I held on to him like he was the last solid thing in a world that was crumbling to dust.

“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Jake,” I said when my voice returned.
"What are you doing here? Don’t you…have to get married?” He set me back on the ground, but his eyes still made the world spin. I took his hands and smiled.

“I made my decision, Jake. About everything.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I decided that I like to cook.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“And I don’t want to be Mrs. Albert Fickley.”
“Even better.”
“I want to be friends with the Rubys.”
“They’re good people.”
“But the most important thing is that I know now what I want from my life…and who I want to be in it. I love you, Jake Harper. I want to be Mrs. Jake Harper. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to give birth to your children. I want you…nobody else…you.” I kissed his cheek and waited for his answer, but he looked solemn and hesitant. My smile faded.

 
“Those are all very good things, but I don’t want you to be Mrs. Jake Harper.” The look on his face told me it was not a joke. I felt the tears coming back, the despair settling back in my heart.

He won’t forgive me.
He doesn’t love me.
I’m…I’m too late…

Until he spoke again.

“I would much rather you be Mrs. Mary Ellen Harper. Or, just Mary.” He winked at me, and I threw my arms around him, thanking the Lord that I finally had my wings, and found true love, not the kind I had always dreamed of, but something much better.

Because it was real.

The End